Hopes Dashed

I now understand why people choose sides, why when a divorce happens the fallout is never contained within the parties involved.

Everyone now knows how destructive my presence has been to my husband and someone reached out to me to tell me to not contact me for a week. As far as I'm concerned, I will limiting my contact with him from now on.

My prospects of him ever being a friend has been dashed. It is to be expected I suppose. However, I never expected that I had to learn to let go myself. It was wrong of me to expect this separation to be amicable. Apparently I expect too much from people.

I will leave my home of five years without much ceremony nor help. It is to be expected. Its like this was written in a soap opera, animosity, miscommunication and bitterness reigns.

As for myself, I'm tired of being judged, of having to explain myself, of wondering how people hate me, of listening to his sadness while his anger comes in tides to chastise me. I'm tired that I'm doing everything but its still not enough. Mainly I'm tired, because I'm doing all the work.

I know in time this will not hurt so much nor feel lonely. One of these days, I will feel like that I'm a good person again, like I can contribute to someone's life in a positive matter. But now, no.