I was talking to my co-worker recently about various things in her life. She had to talk to her mother about something extremely uncomfortable, because she was placed in a precarious position to have to set limits. As we talked about her situation, I commented about how things have finally settled for me. I told her that no matter how insipid or annoying things got for me this year, nothing compared to the pain and anguish I experienced the same time last year. In fact, I've been able to cope with the surprises in my life, and a shift in my circumstances with relative ease, though not without some kind of effort. It is nice to know that I'm finally on the other side of this, or at least be able to take a step back and look at what happened with a clear head. I'm not saying that my life has been easy in the past 12 months. I
don't have to say it, just read my posts this year. But, at least I'm
settled enough to be able to date other people, and finally focus on myself.
Yet, I feel that I have not been alone in having to go through pain and hardship. It seems that my other friends have endured their share of breakups and disappointments this year. I know a group of people having to deal with some vile behavior that is going on for 2 years, that involved a possible outing, and legal action. Still others who are embroiled in some drama, that is spilling into the kink community at large.
Speaking of kink community, if you are to believe everything you see on Fetlife, there appears to be a huge rupture in the community regarding communication and personal responsibility. The only thing I'm going to say about that is this: 1) It's sparking debate and dialogue. 2) Things are finally coming into the light that needed to be exposed, and 3) There are people who are committed to change the community for the better. As someone who is and isn't part of this community, from my point of view, it's not as fractured as some people think it is. It's probably not as healthy as most adherents claim to be. But some lesson need to be learned time and time again. I think a shakeup like this is a good thing, complacently is dangerous for this kind of community.
So if I was to give advice to all my friends who are going through a rough time right now, or a community that needs healing it's this, you will get to the other side of this pain. I can't tell you if it's going to be easy or quick. I'm not clairvoyant. But this will end. You may stumble along the way, make some hard decisions, and make some changes, but pain and suffering have a way of teaching you about yourself and about your place in the universe. You have to be open and patient to listen to it. And it takes time and space to get to the other side.
No, I don't think I'm done making changes to my life. Right now, it looks like I have to get my work and financial house in order. Not to mention, I'm not naive to think that I will stop suffering. I'd like to think that I have the tools to deal what may come, or at least have a better frame of mind. At the very least, I can enjoy myself, cultivate the new relationships I've acquired, and continue to work on integrating my power into my real life.
