I decided to change my role on Fetlife awhile ago from switch to Domme, because...well that's where my energies have rested lately. Although the switch moniker has served me well in the past, I found that now that I'm single, I'm hesitant to show the other side of me. One of the main men I'm dating is a Dominant. Even he will concede that his attraction to me laid in the fact that my dominant energy and his are complimentary. His very masculine/paternal dominance brings out my own feminine/maternal dominance that meshes so well that even his wife can't help but be affected by it.
I'm even noticing this change in me by how people at normal vanilla settings are treating me. I'm becoming more confident, willing to take on more authority, and creating expectations of people, usually to my own detriment. That is, I really shouldn't taking on responsibilities without being compensated for it. But that is another topic for another post.
But this obvious line in the sand did come with me questioning why I'm making a definite stand on my kinky identity, and why now. Afterall, I'm still exploring this side of myself, and it's not like my masochist/sexual bottomy side has left me. I still believe in not limiting myself to the labels I give myself. Yet, everything told me that it was time to make this call.
As for the timing? I don't know, other than I am having to be my own support and advocate. I guess I need to be both with my dominance in the forefront.
I've avoided making such a clear distinction regarding my identity in the past because of the mixed messages growing up. On one hand, it was drilled in my head since I was born that I was to be respectful...nay proudful that my ethnicity is Filipino. I was to conform to the expectations of what it meant to be THE first born female born into an immigrant family whose parents became newly naturalized citizens. Nah...no pressure there! On the other hand, being part of a handful of non-white kids in a school full of white kids made me realize that I shouldn't rock the boat. That I needed to be rather exceptional, or to be insignificant thus blend into the walls. In my case, it was the latter.
So even as an adult, I'm still feeling this tug of war of needing to label myself, because we all need to describe ourselves, yet feel limiting by those labels because dammit, I'm a special snowflake! Look, I hate to rest my identity laurels on what I do for a living, much less my Asian-ness. I even put less stock identifying on my kinky/poly orientation. It's clearly obviously to me that I am many things. I am a biological, cis-gendered, mostly hetero, female with geeky and creative tendencies.
Whatever I'll try to call myself, that's not going to stop people from putting me into a pre-labeled box. It's not going to stop men from trying to ask me if I would like to be their mistress or have unwarrantable expectations placed on my shoulders because I'm a Dominant since we all know we are suppose to be ego maniacal control freaks. LOL...no wonder I hardly play in public anymore.
Let's just decide to self-identify as Benevolent Dictator...Shall we :-)
