Conversations with the Ex-Husband

One of the first things I did when I moved into my new place was call my ex-husband.  I think I was asking him about open studios and we ended up talking about M and our own relationship.

He now has a girlfriend who he loves and gives love in return.  He does report that she has a hard time when he talks about me in front of her, despite the fact that there is nothing between us romantically.  But he likes the fact that she does get jealous, something he considers is a sign that she cares for him.  Now, neither of us will not end our friendship;  however, I'm not going to go over to his place to hang out with him as pals. 

It is odd to be writing about the person that was the impetus of this blog;  The person I was estranged with and dealing with a loss of our marriage.  I don't think I need to tell you how easy this process has been for me, all you need is to read my past entries.  I can't speak for him, he went through some similar processing, discovering himself and what he wanted from his life.  But I can tell you, with a definite degree of certainty, that I consider him my best friend, and perhaps my love of my life.  I am glad to report that Time does heal, for the both of us, to the point that I can still have  poignant conversations with him.  Interestingly enough, my conversations haven't deviated much from when we were married.  We had lovely conversations about lots of stuff back then. 

Let's go back a year or two for some background.  He called for me for, oh I'm not sure now...to meet him for lunch?  It was something rather mundane.  At the end of that conversation, he stated he found my OKCupid profile.  He asked if this was something I had up before I meet M.  I told him, "It's something like that."  What didn't happen was a conversation about me being Poly and kinky.  I doubled checked my profile, and yup..the first sentence in that first paragraph, it stated that I was Poly and Kinky.  I was a bit disappointed that he didn't mention it, but let it go.

A couple of weeks after I broke up with M, I talked to D again; this time, I casually come out to him as Poly and Kinky.  He said he knew, after reading my OKCupid profile.  In an emotional exchange through text I told him, out of the everyone I knew, it was really important for me to come out to him.  Because if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be the person I am today.  It is this start that gave me the courage to seek out the potentiality of what I can be.  It is this gift he gave me, and one that I will always be grateful.

42

Ah yes...the meaning of life.  I don't know why this number has always been special for me.  Maybe because I fell in love with Douglas Adams at such an impressionable age.  I ravished his books, which helped me form my outlook in life, and develop my sense of dry humor.  He also inspired me to write.  Ok, it has taken me years to get to that point, but for some reason he made me realize that being quirky and weird is a beautiful thing in the world.

It is also my birthday, and I am the same age as the meaning of life.  If I was prone to finding signs where there are none, I would say that this is an auspicious year.  The realist in me knows that I can not rest on such precarious laurels.

Yet, despite my work life, life itself is wonderful.  I am loving my home life.  I have a great roommate and have a home that is peaceful, with no drama.  My love life could be better, but honestly I am truly happy being on my own, without being beholden to anyone else.  I am not without love however. I am blessed with an abundance of love given to me by my friends and lovers.

Because of this, I want to tell people how happy I am to be turning 42.  Yet, even at work, there is an unspoken rule that we should never ask anyone's age.  Especially around your birthdays, lest you offend someone.  It's sad really.  I want to tell people how old I am.  So I can show off my geeky side and make my tribute to my favorite writer Douglas Adams.  I want to tell everyone the story of 42, and why its not about asking about THE question, its about asking about the RIGHT question.  I want to revel in my maturity, the wisdom I have gain, and dammit...show off how wonderful and sexy 42 can be, shall be!

My plans for my birthday?  Get my hair done, get a mani-pedi, get my eyebrows done.  Perhaps get a massage?  Not sure.  Treat myself to dinner, and drinks...perhaps at Flora.  Eat cake!!!  Then make time in the middle of that to do my timesheet....because I forgot to do my fucking timesheet!  Fuck you work!

But let's not end this positive post with work; because god knows I've spent an ungodly amount of time dealing with stupidity at work in the last few weeks.  Seriously, if anyone needs a high level admin person who has become a wizard with spreadsheets and scheduling, let me know :D

Where was I?  Oh right...42.  So here's to grabbing my towel, hitching a ride, and discovering the universe on my terms, with my eyes open, and laughing at the absurdity of life and love.