Reckoning

This blog's original intent was to show you the progress of untangling my old life, getting out of my marriage and into my new life. Instead, I've been reluctant to post anything personal because ...frankly...its painful and I'm still living through it.

But lately, my urge to write everything down has come back to the fore and the last time I wrote something very personal, I was coming from a bitter place.

Some time has passed, although not enough for me to gain any perspective on this. Right now, I'm juggling my busy work life and my hectic emotional home life. I have to leave my home of 4 years as soon as possible...I need to get a car....all in the matter of a week. I asked my husband for a divorce rather than just a separation because he doesn't see the person I'm trying to be, which unfortunately sent him into the pits of despair. Finally, I need to prepare the office for our winter closure while still dealing with pressing deadlines. All of this is making me quite stressful, with nothing to show for but a mind that has turned into a mush and a body that is ready to give up.

I knew that this wasn't going to be busy. And as a friend warned me, I will need to go through the pain since it's part of the process. For the most part, I know that this is good for me. Right now, I'm stuck in a fog of hurt, betrayal, and mis-understanding.