Things people say

I don't have a lot of friends who have decided to reach out to me during this trial. However, the significant players in this situation still talk to me and I did get a random hello from a friend.

However, none of them really understand what I'm trying to do much less accept the things I tell them. And its equally frustrating when they are coming to me with their own agenda/motives. The things that people tell me have been both insightful and bewildering at times. Although I try not to take things to heart, its really hard to discern what people mean.

Okay...here are some blatant strange things that I've heard and my rebuttal:

"hmm...I've never been friends with an ex. I don't know if its possible"

This is an easy one. I too have never been friends with an ex. But that's not to say that I shouldn't try at least once. My husband has been part of a good chunk of my life, 14 years to be exact. There isn't a day when I don't miss him. It would be difficult to throw away a person with that much history. I still very much want for him to be in my life. I will not accept the excuse of not being able to be on friendly terms with my husband once we are separated because its never happened to other men in my life. It wasn't that bad of a marriage and for the majority of that time I was a good wife to him. And I would be proud to call him my friend if that is what he wants.

"I never realized you were high-maintenance"

Okay, for context wise, this came from my ex-lover who decided to show up on IM one day. Our break-up boiled down to 1) he yelling at me 2) me telling him to fuck off and leaving me the hell alone, 3)he texting me on my cell phone, 4) me trying to get a hold of him days following that, 5) me emailing him to tell him that we should just break up if he's going to be emotionally unavailable for me.

Yes I will admit I'm a bit high-maintenance. Fuck....IM GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. How can I not be? Emotions are running high...I am at the apex of loneliness. To expect me to be calm and collected is asking too much. I wanted a friend and thought he was one. But as anyone will tell you, you know who your friends are when you go through this.

Which begs this response from me-when people say that you are high-maintenance what they actually mean is "I really don't want to deal with you when you are in a middle of an emotional roller coaster."

I really question your lifestyle choices.

Aw...this came from the husband, when he started questioning me about my personal life. I presume that once we both agreed to separate, I could start my life as a single person. Okay...maybe the timing is off to start dating, but that statement really got to me. Namely that he thinks I'm a slut and that he has the right to judge me. It is this statement, more than anything else, that prompted me to make the decision to seek a divorce.

Because he thinks I'm flawed and that I'm not taking my life seriously. I know that this is not the time to discuss with him why I am doing this. However, he's putting me in this box without realizing that there is more to this story. If he cannot see the whole me past his blinders there is nothing I can do for him.