We are taught to take things by command, to seize the day, to live every moment, as if we had control of every facet of our lives. But the harsh reality is that whenever we are dealing with other people, control is an illusory fantasy found in self-help books.
As is the case of dealing with major life events.
No. I'm just going to speak in generalities. Suffice it to say that, just because you've moved forward, trying to make a life from the pieces shattered from hurt and anger, doesn't necessarily mean that the other person is moving at the same rate. My expectations was never high, but I never thought that at seven months of carving out my own life, I would feel a sense of loss on a regular basis.
I only live one day at a time now. And even with a precarious peace I'm experiencing right now, I know that things will change with or without me exerting any energy to dictate the course.
Although I wonder, did I deliberately became unemployed (thus putting my survival in jeopardy) just so that I can delay dissolving my marriage? I didn't think so at the time. My former employer did comment that with life changes such as a this, you tend to change everything else in your life.
Regardless, its time for me to start the end. I have no excuses...and he is now ready.
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