Coming out as a heterosexual

I was having a conversation last night with a friend. Invariably, the topic came up about my sexuality, how I wanted to integrate my sexuality into my life and turn it into a positive force rather than let it become the focus as it has been for the last two years. We began joking about celebrating it, letting it be known that I'm this person. And so we started to plot my awakening...as a heterosexual.

As the conversation progressed, we talked about having a party, having penises party favors, just make affirmations among my friends and family. Then I realized, yes...I do have to affirm it, make a public display of this. I have to come out as a heterosexual. A big one.

For the past two years, my sexuality could not be denied any longer, and I indulged it despite the risks. But now that I'm "atoning" for the wrongs I did because of this exploration, I still must face this sexual journey I had taken, despite the consequences blowing up in my face. I can't leave stop now...stopping now means not dealing with this, not growing.

So...I'm having to go forward...having to redefine my sexuality. But how do I do it so that I can show everyone it is a positive experience for me? During the conversation he kept referring it as a "problem". To be fair, he was trying to describe it as others would see it. Its not a problem, but I'm a woman who freely admits that I love sex, I want it, and I want cock. Unfortunately, I'm suppose to cower in shame for these statements.

Tonight I was reading one of my favorite bloggers...his post lead me here. Granted this is about the lack of language of how a woman "fucks" a man. But even at that primal level, we can't even concede that a woman wants to fuck without resorting to euphemisms. Personally, I love to use the words such as "engulf" and "take"....even "fuck". Even the description of the act of taking a man's engorged penis inside my eager vagina becomes a ground zero discussion of sex and feminism. What hopes do I have of showing my own sexuality in a positive light with the people I love without contempt or pity?

Obviously, this will be a huge undertaking. Yet, despite the hurdles, I know that I must do this. This journey was not started to end at this point.