Intentionality

I felt the need to write this post because my life seems to be not in sync at the moment.  A financial roadblock, accompanied by some unusual hormonal activity in my body,  followed by some light seasonal affective disorder (even though it feels like spring here), has forced me to slow down and be introspective again, just when I really wanted to be social and gregarious.  Oh well.  I do know that I have friends and lovers who understand me and love me all the same, even if I'm feeling under the weather.  I'm also better at voicing what troubles me now and seeking help.  Still, this current blue period has me worrying that it will influence how I think about myself, which simply will not do!

As I was making brunch, it occurred to me that one of the things I wanted to do this year is to begin to live my life with full intentionality.  What I mean by that is to live with intent, to be positive and be proactive.  Well, to be honest, it's been what I've been doing all along, probably what has been motivating me ever since I started this blog.  I set out on this journey to live my own truths, and the first half of this blog was about finding those truths.  The past year was all about integrating my kinky and poly self into the whole of my personality and being.  Seems like the next chapter of this seems to be focused on what to do with all of this knowledge.

Well, one of the most obvious thing for me to change is my finances, which the universe has graciously allowed the space to happen, even when I wasn't ready to face it.  Thanks universe.  But, I paid off my car and I have some side gigs, so it's not all that bad.  This turn of events let me to think about my future.  Having no children nor own any property, the one thing I can do now, aside from paying off my debts, is save for retirement.  Why not!  Even if I retire (Which is doubtful), I will be living my life for another 40 years.  If you think about that, it's another lifetime.  Then I had this wonderful conversation over NYE weekend with my roommate about his idealized plans living in a semi-itinerant lifestyle by setting up a base in a commune like community in upstate New York.  It sounded delightful, although my version of it would be like a Buddhist retreat.  It made me wonder how much money would I need to live in a place like that.

On a more moderate time frame, the other thing I've been doing, and mind you this has been subconscious on my part, has been focusing on my career.  I have been reading some great non-fiction, not self-help books per se, but inspirational for me nonetheless.  I picked up Lean in before Christmas.  Despite legitimate criticisms regarding its classist overtones and how it perpetuates the corporate system, I thought it was a great book.  As someone who's career have been in various corporate settings, I found the advice to be practical and refreshing, based on sound feminist thinking.  Currently, I'm reading  Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.  So far, so good. All of these books is making me consider taking public speech classes, and seriously thinking about going back to college to either get my PMP Certification or MBA.  I'm also trying to learn MS Access. Trying...it's harder than it looks.  Hey, if I can understand and master SQL databases, I can rule the (admin) world :)  Who knows...maybe I can get a new job even.

That is to say, I don't want to set aside the strides I made last year, nor ignore the relationships I've forged within the kinky/poly world.  My foundation within this community has been nothing but astonishing for me.

So here's to 2014.  Let it be known as the year of intentionality.