Control vs Controlling

I wrote a little about control here but I wanted to elaborate on my thoughts about this subject.

Just to reiterate, I still maintain that total control is an illusion. I still believe that.  Control is a force of nature, like water.  You can't control water.  It flows to places where it will encounter the least resistance, forging creeks, rivers, lakes, and oceans. 

We think we are in control, because we do things and hold onto small things that make us feel like that we are masters of our universe. But that is not real control; that is being controlling. Real control and being controlling are two very different things.

Being controlling is giving away your power, and letting your flight/fight response guide you. Being controlling is reactionary, based on fear and insecurities. When we try to push people to our whims, when we try to manipulate situations to mirror our wants and desires, regardless if the players consent to this or even aware of this, this is what being controlling means.  Sometimes these efforts work.  But it's like deception, at some point it becomes burdensome and unyielding.  Then you become a slave at maintaining this illusion. 

Real control encompasses power, influence, effort and luck.  Real control is tempered by responsibility, integrity, and compassion. Real control is complicated and is an exercise in patience.

Only when I learned to let go of control did I understand real control. I needed to step back and see the big picture and that all those small details that I would obsess on were distractions. To understand control, one must know yourself, know your strength and weaknesses, question your motives, and take risks. It is the choices you make and constantly learning from them and refining them.